How are you coping with your divorce? Therapy? Taking meds? Worried about your future? Want more peace of mind, now?
Start meditating. It needs to be part of your daily routine, starting now. Meditation has worked miracles with my divorcing clients and in my own life as well. It’s time for you to catch the meditation train.
Two weeks ago, Glenda, 51, teared up in my office. She couldn’t sleep. Dreams of her debts since the divorce haunt her. Her oldest daughter won’t talk to her, a case of parental alienation. She can’t concentrate at work. She’s asking for more meds. The last straw -- her ex’s lover “accidentally” left a message on their home machine, “Oh honey, I missed your hard body last night.”
Glenda was a walking, talking mess of emotional turmoil and physical stress.
Sound familiar? Whether you are male or female, Glenda’s story happens to most divorcees to a greater or lesser degree. The good news is that the intensity of Glenda’s life at this moment doesn’t last forever. But, when you’re in the divorce process, especially when dealing with infidelity issues, you think you’re destined to a life of unfocused, disoriented misery.
If you can find something during your divorce recovery to:
replace your Ativan
give you better sleep
boost your confidence
release you from anxiety and fear
quiet your hateful thinking about “her” or “him”
calm your pounding heart
And, if it doesn’t cost you a penny, would you try it?
My guess is “yes”.
Learn How to Meditate
That’s where I steered Glenda. She balked at first and said it wouldn’t work. Too new-age. I suggested she attend Meditation at the Library! with Ashalome Lynne, a long time mediator and yoga teacher who also happens to hold a degree in psychology. My client had a million reasons why not. I asked her, “How much is it worth to you to sleep at night and stop the constant tears?” She went that afternoon.
It calmed her. What a concept. Meditation turns out to be food for your soul. When the rest of your already-exhausted body is bombarded with anxiety-inducing stimulation during divorce, there’s a place you can turn to quiet it all down. Meditation. You feed your body with good food. Start feeding your divorce-burdened hungry soul with nourishment, too. Meditate.
Ashalome is doing a technique called “mindful meditation”. For 30 minutes she into meditation usually with a specific theme that speaks to one or several in our group.
Here’s what meditation will do for you, starting at your very first try.
1. Your stress level takes a downward dive. A small dive at first, but week after week, you’re simply calmer with less anxiety. Many clients actually stop taking anti-depressant/anxiety drugs altogether.
2. You have more energy.
3. Your thoughts throughout the day are less critical of yourself and others.
4. You’re happier.
5. You have more patience with the divorce process. Little irritations (your ex!) don’t bother you as much.
6. You make better decisions.
7. You sleep better.
8. You move forward with your life because you’re thinking more clearly.
9. You feel a greater depth and purpose in your life. Your authentic self (not your divorce self) begins to emerge.
10. You gift yourself with a lifetime skill: You’re training your mind to think the thoughts you want, not the monkey brain chatter that pulls you down.
You Have to Do It for It to Work
Here’s the trick: meditation requires discipline.
Commit to it. Understand that it takes time. When you start procrastinating, ask yourself: “What am I doing that’s so important that I can’t take time to reduce anxiety and be happier by meditating?” If you can name something more important, go do it. Otherwise, sit down, close your eyes, and meditate for 25-30 mins at least once a day. If you can meditate twice a day, the benefits are exponential.
Find an experienced meditator. Ashalome Lynne is my go-to for all things meditation. She’s an author, a guide and a short path to a long and healthful journey.
How to Get Started?
Sit up straight in a chair, a couch or on a floor cushion.
Sit with good posture and close your eyes.
Go through your passage slowly over and over, or silently listen to your breath.
If you lose concentration (Everyone does! We’re human.), as in “What will I wear to court?” or “When do I take the car in?” gently recognize that you’ve lost focus and go back to the passage or your breath.
Do this for 25-30 minutes every morning, preferably. If you can’t do it in the morning, schedule another time for it. Be prompt and strict about your promise to do it.
One caveat: sometimes during meditation, when you’re calm, you might have emotional moments of intense fear, sadness, or anger, or the opposite – joy, laughter, or happiness. Let them pass, but don’t stop your meditation. Keep going through the tears, or the laughter. The meditation will eventually help you level out, if you keep going.
Your mind believes everything you tell it. Start telling it that you want peace, now.
Start your meditation practice today.
Go to the Boise Public Library! Website. Type in “meditation.” The calendar will pop up with all of Ashalome Lynne’s mediation sessions, up to four a week, at various times and several different branches. Take advantage of this wonderful life changing opportunity. Your body, your mind and your soul will thank you for it.
You will find Ashalome at www.socialnamaste.com